You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Question comes to us from today’s Always Marsha advice column:

Dear Marsha,
For the past 4 months I’ve had the biggest crush I’ve ever had on one of my friends. A couple of months ago, I gathered up the courage I needed to tell him how I feel, but he replied that he only liked me as a friend. I’ve tried getting over it, but I just can’t, and it’s driving me crazy!! I keep wishing, hoping and praying that he’ll ask me out, even though I know that he won’t. I’ve thought about asking him out, and even come close to actually doing it a few times, but I’m scared, since he knows that I know that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. But at the same time, something is telling me that I won’t be able to get this out of my system unless I give it a shot. But considering it took me 4 hours of staring at my phone, saving drafts of text messages and cancelling sent ones just to tell him that I like him, I don’t think I have the courage to ask him out, even just as friends. What should I do??
-Loveless

SWAYING BUDDHA’S ADVICE:
Hey Loveless — what the hell are you doing to yourself?  You know it’s not going to happen — you stated it yourself right here in black and white.  Guys are not that hung up on friendship vs. romance.  If he wanted to date you, he’d be dating you.  Period.  Let this fantasy go so that you can enjoy the friendship with what must be a totally awesome guy — why else would you be torturing yourself with thoughts of more?  He likes you enough to want to hang out with you.  But don’t mistake the signals of liking you as a person for liking you as a life partner.  Trust me — I was in this same position for 2 years with a friend, let’s call him Todd.  Now that the rose colored glasses of infatuation have faded, I see that Todd’s behavior speaks more about his desire for constant company than for his desire to roll around naked with me.  No biggie. There are plenty of other guys to roll around with and my friendship with Todd has and will still be there through the heartbreak caused by all those other naked men.  And having a hottie to console you during a breakup, even if that hottie is just your friend, is a wonderful esteem booster.  Just don’t confuse caring friendship with desire.

-SB

To read Marsha’s advice, click here.

From today’s DEAR ABBY:

I was involved with “Ralph” for two years. We live in a senior apartment complex, and women have been coming on to him for years. He is now seeing “Joan,” who happens to be my neighbor. This hurts me deeply.
This is a small complex and it’s difficult to face them. I am desperately trying to hold my words and feelings inside because it is hard not to call the woman a “slut.” I blame Ralph more. He made the decision to humiliate me, but how can Joan do this to her own neighbor? How do I handle this with class? — SHATTERED HEART

SWAYING BUDDHA’s ADVICE:
Props to you lady for acting wisely and not resorting to name calling when in pain from another’s actions.  However, after all this time, you still allow those actions to affect your mood and well-being.  It’s time to put that part of yourself — the part that wrestles with embarrassment, anger, distrust — behind you now.  Do not waste one more second of your miraculous life contemplating the why’s and how’s of the actions of others.  Instead, what can you, Shattered Heart, do to increase your happiness?  How about getting outside the apartment complex and spending sometime out in the world? It’s a marvelously large place with plenty of opportunities to experience joy and soon Ralph will be just another person simply living in it.  And maybe the next man in your life won’t be so easily distracted when with the beautiful, happy, adventurous you.
Be it what it will.
-SB

To read Dear Abby’s advice, click here.

From today’s Dear Abby:  SIBLINGS SUFFER CONSEQUENCES OF MOM’S DISREGARD FOR TRUTH

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a long history of lying in what appears to be her attempt to manipulate others. She is now 75, and my siblings and I know not to accept anything she says as the truth, and to always check with each other in order to find out the whole story.  The other day she lied to me about a doctor’s appointment. Shortly after I talked to her, my sister called me, furious about what Mom had really done. I called Mom back that evening to give her a chance to tell the truth. Instead, she made up another lie to cover up what she had done. That’s when I told her I had already spoken to my sister.
The whole situation makes me very sad, which I told her. I let her know I am “on to her” and have decided to give both of us some time to think about the situation. I know you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and I have given up trying.
I love Mom, but her continued manipulation of others has driven me away from her. Is there any way for her to see how much her inappropriate behavior affects those of us who care about her? — SAD SON IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

A sample of Swaying Buddha’s advice:

Sad Son,

Your mother, unfortunately, does not know what she does.  It might appear as manipulative, but perhaps she is only reacting to what has become a downward spiral of a relationship with her children.  Imagine the sadness that comes with knowing your offspring do not trust you.  Give your mom a break… she’s 75.  It’s not about what you can change in others, it’s about change within ourselves.  How many more years do you think you will have left to complain about her?  Enjoy it, for after she’s gone, you will only have yourself to blame for the quality of your relationship in her last years.

-SB

To see Dear Abby’s posted response, click here.

The importance is in the details.

This concept popped in my head just prior to stepping in the shower.   A foul stench became know and the source was soon realized to be coming from my belly button.  Sometimes the little things in life pack a powerful punch and we must learn to pay better attention.